WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move officials describe as "the logical evolution of democracy in a consumer economy," the Department of Commerce has announced the launch of Freedom Rewards™, a national loyalty program enabling citizens to redeem their rights for store credit at select retailers. The initiative, which aims to "bridge the gap between civic engagement and brand engagement," allows participants to trade freedoms such as privacy, due process, or free speech for points redeemable toward everyday purchases.

"Freedom should be flexible," said Commerce Secretary Dana Wills at Tuesday's press conference, holding up a metallic blue Freedom Rewards™ card. "Why let your Fourth Amendment gather dust when it could get you a new toaster?" Early adopters who opt out of digital privacy will reportedly receive double points for a limited time, while those surrendering the right to assemble gain access to exclusive members-only sales.

Corporate partners have already praised the initiative. Amazon has introduced a "Prime Patriot" tier that gives users faster shipping in exchange for 24/7 surveillance consent, while Starbucks announced it will accept signed nondisclosure agreements as payment for seasonal lattes. "It's a win-win," said Wills. "Americans get savings, and the government gets compliance streamlined into a rewards ecosystem."

Critics, however, warn the program could erode constitutional protections. "This is dystopian nonsense," said legal analyst Harriet Ngo. "You shouldn't have to choose between your right to vote and a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon." Still, the Department remains optimistic, teasing future features such as "Refer-A-Friend, Revoke-A-Freedom" bonuses and tier upgrades for repeat participants.