WASHINGTON, D.C. — Promising a "transparent look into the murky waters of American politics," Senator Brock Halford (R–FL), who once campaigned on a fiery pledge to "drain the swamp," has officially launched a guided swamp tour experience that invites visitors to wade through the very political ecosystem he vowed to eliminate. "It's a beautiful habitat," said Halford, proudly gesturing toward a moss-covered bog during the ribbon-cutting ceremony. "You'll see nepotism, lobbying, and unchecked self-interest—all thriving together in perfect harmony."

The $49.99-per-person tour promises an "up-close encounter" with rare species such as the elusive Ethics Committee Eel and the endangered Integrity Heron. Guests can purchase commemorative "Swamp Creature" bobbleheads and official "Halford's Swamp Tours" waders at the gift shop, where proceeds reportedly go toward "environmental preservation and select campaign debts."

Critics have accused Halford of abandoning his reformist ideals, but the senator insists the project remains true to his original mission. "I said I'd make the swamp accessible to the people—and now anyone can come see it for themselves," he explained. "It's about transparency. And profit transparency."

As tourists slosh through waist-deep water while Halford points out metaphorical leeches and literal ones, many have praised the tour's realism. "It's the most honest thing a politician has ever done," said one visitor. "He didn't drain it, but at least he's charging fair admission."