Congress Celebrates 10th Consecutive Year of Declaring Every Year 'Most Important Election of Our Lifetime'
Congress commemorates a decade of declaring every election 'the most important of our lifetime,' complete with banners, speeches, and self-congratulation.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Lawmakers from both parties gathered on the Capitol steps today to celebrate the 10th consecutive year of declaring that the next election is "the most important of our lifetime," marking the milestone with bipartisan smiles, patriotic bunting, and another round of existential panic.
"Every single election, without fail, has been more important than the last," said House Speaker Dana Culver, addressing a cheering crowd. "And this next one—oh, this one's the one that really counts." Culver went on to unveil a bronze plaque commemorating "A Decade of Historic Hysteria," engraved with the official congressional motto: "Panic Responsibly."
Political scientists noted the phrase has become a reliable seasonal ritual. "It's like pumpkin spice," said Dr. Ray Mendez of Georgetown University. "It reappears every fall, tastes familiar, and leaves you wondering if you've been here before."
Meanwhile, the public remains torn between apathy and exhaustion. "I've voted in six of these 'most important' elections," said D.C. resident Carla Nguyen. "At this point, I'm just collecting them like Pokémon cards. Maybe if I get them all, democracy evolves."
Disclaimer: This article is satirical and entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real events, persons, or situations is purely coincidental and intended for entertainment purposes only.