In what executives are calling a "breakthrough in inclusive innovation," tech conglomerate SynTech Global proudly announced that it has achieved record levels of workplace diversity—thanks to its new artificial intelligence system trained to simulate minority employees. The AI, named EQU1TY, reportedly represents "every possible ethnicity, gender identity, and inspirational backstory," all while maintaining the efficiency and obedience of a well-coded spreadsheet.

"Representation without the inconvenience of representation," said Chief Diversity Officer Angela Prynn, proudly gesturing toward a looping slideshow of AI-generated employee avatars smiling in unison. "We've finally found a way to celebrate cultural difference without all the messiness of actual humans."

According to internal reports, EQU1TY has already been nominated for Employee of the Month twice, though sources confirm the award ceremony was postponed after the AI began auto-generating its own acceptance speeches. Staff feedback has been "overwhelmingly positive," with several employees admitting they feel "safer expressing themselves around an entity that doesn't actually exist."

Critics have expressed concern over the ethics of replacing real workers with simulations. In response, CEO Derek Lang issued a statement written entirely by EQU1TY, assuring stakeholders that "inclusion is at the heart of every line of code." The AI has since been promoted to Head of Human Resources.