In a groundbreaking study released this week, researchers at the National Institute of Modern Suffering have determined that an overwhelming 90% of adult stress originates from the act of attempting to cancel free trials. The findings, based on years of psychological analysis and several thousand broken mice, reveal that what begins as a "7-day free trial" often ends as a lifelong emotional wound.

"We expected to find common stressors like finances, relationships, or global unrest," said lead researcher Dr. Hannah Kell. "But the data was clear — nothing induces panic quite like realizing your card has been charged $49.99 for something you used once to convert a PDF in 2018."

The study also introduced a new diagnostic category, "Adobe Subscription Trauma," referring to the anxiety experienced when faced with multi-step cancellation forms that include guilt-tripping exit surveys and "exclusive loyalty offers." Patients reported recurring nightmares featuring the phrase 'Are you sure you want to leave?'

Mental health professionals are now urging adults to seek therapy or, at minimum, designate a trusted friend to perform emergency subscription cancellations on their behalf. "We're calling them 'Cancel Buddies,'" said Dr. Kell. "Because nobody should face that unsubscribe form alone."